Natural, God-Given Affection
Posted By Jacque Dixon on July 1, 2009 in Categories: Babies and Toddlers, Daughters of Scripture, Mothering, Tying Heartstrings, Seasons of Our Lives, Thy WORD is Life, Training Children, Training Daughters
Bridging the Gap
~strengthening bonds between Mothers and Daughters~
Nursing a baby gives you plenty of time to think on many things. Today, as I was nursing LucyLillie, I was thinking about affection for our children. I have noticed a direct relation between our not nursing so much and her unhappy behaviour lately. I was thinking of the relation of nursing and it being one expression of my natural affection to her. There is a natural affection mothers have for their children; an adoring, natural affection that causes you to pause and notice little things they do. This natural affection is what makes me smile at my children like I know a little secret at the sheer joy of them.
A Lack of Natural Affection
One problem with this natural, God-given affection is that it has been perverted by the devil and the world for thousands of years, but, as mothers, we can re-claim it and profess it and express it to our children and society around us. I am talking about the negative expression towards our children or anything about them.
As Godly women, we are told that one way to lead a holy life and to not blaspheme the Word of God is to love our children.
Titus 2:1-5
1 But you, explain what kind of behavior goes along with sound teaching. 2 Tell the older men to be serious, sensible, self-controlled and sound in their trust, love and perseverance. 3 Likewise, tell the older women to behave the way people leading a holy life should. They shouldn’t be slanderers or slaves to excessive drinking. They should teach what is good, 4 thus training the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to take good care of their homes and submit to their husbands. In this way, God’s message will not be brought into disgrace.
One thing that drives me batty is negative comments by mothers about their children. As the mom of eight children, I have heard this a lot. I think it is the nature of humans to feel as though they have to make a silly remark in an uncomfortable situation or when they just don’t know what to say. When someone meets me and asks about my children, it seems that my positive reply about the blessings children bring rather than the complete chaos and lack of selfish- er, “Me-Time”, makes people feel uncomfortable.
I have many times been bombarded with the remarks about staying at home with my children all day and having more patience than most -totally not true, I assure you! I will tell, you, though, that it is a definite mind-set to rebuke those negative thoughts and be pleasant, thinking on things that are…
Philippians 4:8
In conclusion, brothers, focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, righteous, pure, lovable or admirable, on some virtue or on something praiseworthy.
Loving our children is not marked by what we do or how well we do it, but rather by what is in our hearts and how we truly express it to them. Or about them. You can tell a lot about a person by what they talk about.
In Matthew 12, Jesus is speaking to the Pharisees when he said: 33 “If you make a tree good, its fruit will be good; and if you make a tree bad, its fruit will be bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. 34 You snakes! How can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what overflows from the heart. 35 The good person brings forth good things from his store of good, and the evil person brings forth evil things from his store of evil.”
I have always loved being pregnant and loved having babies and children, so I was never a complainer about them. I did, however, have to set my mind to know what I was thinking and saying. Just the other day, I found a note in a book-journal I had written down and dated that children are a blessing and it is my choice to believe it or not. I was pregnant with Hannah, and I wrote it after a well-meaning christian friend said something derogatory about this being our fifth child – oh my.
These comments, especially coming from God’s own people, certainly set a standard or at least give in to the perverted standard view of children from the world. If God’s own people are willing to say over and over again in front of their own children that they can’t wait until Spring Break is over and school to start again or how miserable they are and they just can’t wait until this child is…. [fill in the blank], then our children are not hearing and seeing and feeling the God-given natural affection given to mothers, intended for their benefit or the tender, loving view of what God thinks of them.
Luke 12:6-7
Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
God loves our children, and knows their hearts and all about them. He wants them to know that. He wants us to show them his love.
Making Time to Give Affection
I have noticed in my own life that sometimes my natural affection for my children is placed into my time box and only expressed when I am not pressed by time to ignore it. Our children always expect us to be proud of them and express our affection – as they do – and are probably quite puzzled and hurt when we react with a response indicating we don’t have time to notice them or they are being a bother to us at that time. However, I have noticed when I have not “had time” for that affection to be shown to my children, they react to it. It comes out in many forms in their actions and attitudes, but those responses are greatly lessened when I continue in showing them natural affection.
This expectation of natural affection does not stop as time passes and our children grow, either. My 11 year-old son and 19 year-old daughter would never say, “Mom, can’t you take time to give me some attention?”, but I know they feel it sometimes. Obviously, as they grow and mature, their desire for our attention in a childish way changes, but the need for it is still there in a different way.
Nursing a little one is a time for that natural affection to be expressed, sharing little moments together and smiling, talking, at infancy or as a toddler. After that, a two or three year-old still needs snuggle time and play time, time to tell you things you may not even understand, with a listening ear. Move up in age a bit, and they really start noticing the world and expressing themselves so much better, so that they want active conversation. Just taking time to hear them is what they want. Sometimes we find ourselves on the computer, reading a book or doing an important task, and it really is a bother to what we are doing to stop and take time to listen. But most times, it really isn’t.
There are different times in our home, when different children are more apt to open up and share a long conversation with me. At times when they are up by themselves with me is a big plus, but that is not the only time. Different children ‘blossom’ at different times of the day – or night.
Isaac is my early bird. A lot of times, he beats me to getting up, and when I come downstairs, he is ready for a conversation to let me know what is going on outside or what he did the day before that he wants to make sure I know of. When the other children are up, he is likely to be playing with them, but when it is just us, he is my best buddy.
It is like that with each of my children when we are alone, and some are more apt than others to make personal discussion with me anytime of the day. Eric has absolutely no problems talking to me any time. He always has a lot on his mind and comes up with ideas all the time. Hannah, Caleb and Isaac are always busy busy busy. Rachel is just quiet. All of our children vary in the times and manners they desire the natural affection a mother has for her children, but they all need it, and I still has the joyous task of discovering and listening for when and how.
As our daughters mature and become young ladies, they still need our attention and affection. Going out together, discussing important events, sharing interests and encouraging her in her life as a young woman of God is important to her. Listening. I am guilty of not listening sometimes. Just stopping and listening to my children. I may not notice it when I do it, but I have been told when I don’t, so I know they notice.
We do not have to constantly have our attention on our children with no time to do what we need to accomplish, but we do need to stop sometimes, and listen and see what natural affection we can give to them. Then we have to make the time to do whatever is necessary.
blessings~
Mrs. Jacque Dixon and her husband, Matt, train their eight children up in the LORD home schooling on their small homestead in Indiana. They are the founders of Gleaning the Harvest, presenting widows and fatherless to the Body of Christ. She is owner and publisher of Training Sons to Be Men, and Training Daughters, Teaching Wives, where she is a regular columnist. You can also read encouraging home school articles and more about the Dixon family at Walking Therein.
*Scripture taken from the Complete Jewish Bible.
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About the author
Jacque Dixon
Mrs. Jacque Dixon and her husband, Matt, have graduated two of their nine children and are continuing home schooling those remaining at home. They have just moved from their small homestead in Indiana and have stopped off in Costa Rica to walk in the ways YHVH has for them at this time. They are the founders of Gleaning the Harvest, presenting widows and fatherless to the Body of Believers for support. She is owner and publisher of Training Sons to Be Men, and Training Daughters, Teaching Wives, where she is a regular columnist. You can also read encouraging home school articles and more about the Dixon family at Walking Therein.Comments
4 Responses to “Natural, God-Given Affection”
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Wonderful post. As we are in the process of incorporating a 14 year old into our home (through adoption), I’m realizing that she has just as much need for attention as our 8 year old, but in different ways. And keeping a rein on my thoughts is important, too, as not everyone is supportive of adopting a teen… but as you said, ALL children are a blessing! I want all of our children to know we love and value them. Again, thanks for a good post. ((hugs))
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Ok now that I am on a blog catch up roll, I have to say what a sting to my heart this post was. I not always have affection to my daughter, I feel alot of anxiety especially when i look at the relationship I had growing up with my mom, dont get me wrong I love my mom and she worked very hard to raise us 5 kids but I never could respond in doting affection… which I think haunts me today with my own daughter… Thank you for showing me that I can and it is through prayer that I hope the Lord will guide me in this area. THANK YOU
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